Our 16-year-old daughter is a serious girl interested only in studies and housework. Recently we had to leave home for three weeks due to an illness in the family. Because of impending examinations, our daughter stayed in her maternal uncle’s house. This is the first time she has spent any time away from us. During this time she did not study, and watched TV till late with her older cousin. She has lied to them saying she watches TV at home, whereas she is hardly allowed to watch any TV. Now, she has become very irritable, answers back, refuses to study and remains dissatisfied with everything we do to win her. Is this some kind of a mental illness? What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Your daughter seems to have been brought up under strict supervision. Often, parents feel this is necessary to protect children from ‘evil’ influences of the outside world. However, she has not been immune to the influences that you wanted to avoid.

During your absence she realised that her similarly aged cousin is living a more normal life. Never allowed to decide for herself, she has not learnt what is important or how much time should be spent on what activity. This is why she is revolting against what she thinks is injustice done to her.

She needs help at this hour of mental turmoil and her (along with your) misconceptions about needs and wishes of a teenager will have to be addressed appropriately.

I would advise you to seek the opinion of a psychiatrist or a psychologist experienced in problems of teenagers, so that this can be handled early — before further complications set in.