It was her birthday and her nephew decided to splurge and buy her an expensive sari as a gift. Apart from the fact that she was a very favourite aunt, the nephew was beholden to her for many kindnesses. The fact that he was actually staying with her on her birthday gave him a chance to reciprocate and he decided to seize this opportunity with both hands.

And so he greeted his aunt first thing in the morning on the big day with the beautifully gift-wrapped sari. He had derived a great deal of pleasure in looking for the present and had spent time and money on finding something that he thought she would really like. So he was convinced that she would be delighted with his gift.

However, the reception his offering got was not what he anticipated at all. “What is the point of giving me this sari?” she scolded. “You know perfectly well that I don’t want presents. Besides, I never go out, so where am I ever likely to have the occasion to wear such a sari? Just take it back and give it to someone else. I don’t want it.” For the nephew, her sheer lack of graciousness was like a slap in the face. He could not believe that his aunt could spurn his gift, given with such love, in this manner.

Ironically, and despite the graceless way in which she received (or should it be ‘refused’) her gift, the old lady was very touched by her nephew’s gesture. In the days that followed, she told all her neighbours about his generosity, of how much trouble he had taken, of how beautiful the sari was. Nevertheless, though she herself was constantly handing out lavish gifts to all her friends and family — and would have been horrified and deeply offended if they had been rejected — she was unable to accept either this or any other present.

While most people get pleasure from both taking and giving, there are a fair number of people who love giving but are unable to take. This aunt we speak of is one such person. But I have met several others. I remember, for instance, a friend of mine who was laid up with a severe backache. Living alone as she did, she was left to her own devices and it was clear that she could not manage. Seeing this, a cousin of hers volunteered to move in for a few days to help her out but this offer was summarily rejected, as were other offers from friends and acquaintances to send food across and so on. She preferred to suffer rather than be obligated to anyone. Yet this friend would be the first person to insist on coming to the aid of anyone in trouble.

I have often wondered what it is that makes someone happy to give but reluctant to take. Why should some people feel that they are the only ones privileged to give? Is this not being rather presumptuous on their part? Or have I got it all wrong? Is it that people in their insecurity feel diminished by whatever they accept from others?