Revati (though this is not her real name), a friend of mine who lives in New Jersey in the US, celebrates Diwali every year with a huge party. To this party she invites all those cousins, nephews and nieces who live on the East Coast, along with their families. The house is lit up with diyas, the children, all dressed in their new clothes, are told stories about the festival, and with an array of Indian dishes and sweets, there is the inevitable feasting. For the large extended family, it is a wonderful opportunity to touch base with each other.

A lot of Indians in the US have Diwali parties, and in the normal course, this friend’s yearly gathering would not elicit comment. What makes it worthy of mention is the fact that she is totally American. While her parents emigrated to the US from India, she was born and brought up in America, and is married to an American. Other than annual visits to India in her childhood with her parents, she has no real ties with the country. Nor does she speak an Indian language. Yet, she has maintained both cultural and familial roots, albeit by remote control, and amazingly, even passed these on to her daughters!

The general criticism of the Indian diaspora is that they do not integrate, but this is a criticism that is usually levelled at first generation immigrants. By the time the second and third generations have grown up, no vestige of their Indian-ness remains, except perhaps for appearance. This is why it seems so remarkable that Revati has brought up her daughters to be as familiar with Indian mores as with American. While the latter is to be expected, since they are American and have spent all their lives in America, their connection with all things Indian seems astonishing. But obviously a conscious effort has been made by the parents to make sure that they know and appreciate their heritage from both sides.

The girls are as comfortable in Indian clothes as in American, they are as happy eating aloo puri as they are tucking into a hamburger, while one studies ballet, the other is a Bharatanatyam dancer, who even spent a gap year in Chennai to further her knowledge. If Diwali is celebrated Indian style, Thanksgiving and Christmas are treated as equally important festivals. I have often marvelled at how Revati has managed to achieve this. Why, in contrast, do the children of other mixed marriages, where one parent is Indian and the other foreign, have no idea of Indian customs and conventions? “If the mother is Indian, or of Indian descent,” explained someone to me, “the children learn about things Indian. But if it is the father who is Indian, this does not happen.”

Would you agree?