FIRST FAMILY: The Bachchans come together at awards functions

Pepsico CEO Indra Nooyi recently confessed that she was so hard-pressed for time that her 14-year-old daughter had to send an email every week seeking an appointment with her mother. The two live in the same house. While all cases may not be as extreme as Nooyi’s, work pressure, hectic schedules and changing lifestyles leave one with little time. And many cases are the reverse of Nooyi’s — it is children who have little time for parents now, and for that one doesn’t need to travel to the US of A. How often do parents get to meet their children, even in Calcutta?

Time zones

Anushtup Chatterjee, 24, is single, has a well-paid job and moved out of home two months ago to set up his own house. His parents live in the same locality, a couple of buildings away, but the family gets together only on Saturday evenings.

“My parents work and we practically live in different time zones, as I work in a call centre. Our schedules only match on a Saturday evening when we go out for a meal and generally catch up on the happenings of the week,” he smiles. Anushtup insists that his relationship with his parents, after he moved out, is the same, if not better.

More and more parents are giving the nod to children moving out, largely considered a “western” phenomenon until a few years ago. In certain cases external factors make it imperative for one to move away from home.

Sayantani Basu, 25, an IT professional who confesses “to having never lived away from her parents even for a day” before, was forced to take up separate accommodation when she found how difficult it was to travel from her Madhyamgram residence to her office in Salt Lake. “Work schedules only permit me to visit my parents on alternate weekends and even that is not possible sometimes. My parents understand,” says Sayantani.

While some like Sayantani lament the loss of “bonding time” with parents, others have taken it in their stride. Vikas Sharma (name changed on request) is one. Vikas shifted out of home two years ago when his two-bedroom flat proved to be “too small” to accommodate everyone in his family. And although he lives in the same building and meets his parents for dinner every night, the third-year college student insists he is happy staying alone. “I spend quality time with my parents. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to play the guitar loud or have friends over frequently if I was living with them,” he smiles.

Same house, no see

In many families today, the ritual of children and parents meeting at the dinner table is also a thing of the past. With parents busy with work and children busier with work and play, meeting even when they live under the same roof becomes a tough task. Malishka Dasgupta doesn’t remember the last time she and her parents did anything together as a family. “My dad travels for about eight months of the year while my mom too is busy with work. The fact that I have long hours at work doesn’t help either,” says the media professional.

Even watching television together can help a family “bond”, but that too is slowly diminishing. “My son goes off to sleep by the time I get back from work and when he leaves for his early morning classes, I am sleeping. On weekends, he is busy catching up with friends. As a result, we don’t meet for days even while living in adjoining rooms,” hotelier Ashok Mehra (name changed on request), smiles ruefully. Working at a call centre means that Priyadarshini Ghatge hardly gets to be with her parents. “We have been planning to catch a movie together for the past three weeks, but our schedules haven’t permitted us to do so,” she says.

Married and away

Marriage leaves one with even less time for parents. This is particularly true of women. The newly-married Reena Thadani (name changed on request), a lawyer by profession, manages to meet her parents about once in two weeks. “Even when we meet, we catch up at a Park Street restaurant because my parents live in Thakurpukur while I stay in Salt Lake. After the whole day’s work, it is impossible for me to travel such a long distance,” she says. Reena confesses that she sometimes even bypasses meeting her parents in order to make time for her friends. And what saves her from the guilt? “I manage to squeeze in close to 30 minutes of phone conversation every day with them,” she smiles.

With more men opting to stay separately from their parents after marriage, the time spent with parents has reduced considerably for them too. Delhi-based Sameer Mathur moved out of his parents’ home after marriage, the chief reason being that he wanted to live closer to his workplace. He manages to meet his parents about once in two weeks, even though they live in the same city. “I would like to shift back to my parents, especially since they are growing old, but practical difficulties don’t permit me to do so," he says. Siddharth Sanyal lives 10 minutes away from his parents’ home in Golf Green, but doesn’t get to meet them often. “I reserve an hour or two on Sunday mornings for them,” says the 30-year-old marketing professional.

Different cities

Of course, living in different cities means meeting the parents becomes even more of a rarity. As more and more youngsters “fly out of the nest” in order to pursue higher studies or a job in another city or country, the time spent with parents seems to shrink to just the childhood years. Bindi Phadnis left Calcutta 10 years ago for higher studies and is now married and settled in London. “If I met my parents twice a year when I was studying in Hyderabad, it is now once in three years. Although there isn’t much one can do about it, I long to spend Sunday evenings with my parents, just like I used to during my childhood days,” smiles Bindi.

Distance is the new way of life.

What if they only spoke via e-mail?

Abhishek Bachchan to Amitabh Bachchan

Dear Dad,

It’s been close to a month since I have been trying to seek an appointment with you, but you have been extremely busy. If you are not shooting for the innumerable films that you have signed on, then you are signing on one, constantly surrounded by your bodyguards who are only replaced by Amar Singh Uncle and Anil Ambaniji. I had to jostle through the crowd at a recent film premiere to have a word with you, but couldn’t manage to. So I figured that the Internet would be an easier way to get in touch. Just wanted to let you know that although I haven’t had a hit in a very long time, I am doing fine. My brand endorsements take care of my expenses. And before I forget, Ash thinks that my blink-and-you-miss appearance in RGV Ki Aag was better than your full-length role. He he he he he he…

Barbara and Jenna Bush to George W. Bush

Hi Dad,

It’s been a while since we saw you, although we are all supposed to live at the White House. Granted that you are also supposed to be the most powerful man in the world; we wouldn’t have complained if you didn’t spend time with us but were busy with affairs of the state. But as far as we can see, you spend most of your time putting your foot in your mouth. You recently publicly said that Nelson Mandela is “dead”. That’s clearly the limit, dad! We are tired of being laughed at by our friends because of you. Why don’t we just give up all this and shift back to our ranch, NOW?

William and Harry to Prince Charles

Dear Father,

We know that off late you have been reading a lot of things about the two of us in the newspapers. Since we hardly get to meet, we thought that sending an e-mail to you would be most appropriate. We even called up the other day, but Camilla told us that you were busy. We just want to tell you that we are tired of the constant media attention on your life and want an end to it soon. You and Camilla don’t make a pretty picture. Your sons and their girlfriends do. Also, can you bring an end to the drama that surrounds mother’s death anniversary every year? And yes, we just figured out why you don’t have time to spend with us — you even “acted” in an Indian film called Namastey London!

Liv Tyler to Steven Tyler

Hey there,

It’s been a while since we met. In fact we have hardly met, considering the fact that we didn’t know, till a couple of years ago, that we were father and daughter. Just wanted to tell you that I am fine and from what I read in the newspapers, you seem to be doing pretty good too. How was your India tour? You must have had a swell time there. Did you see any snakes? Well I gotta go. Milo says hi to his granddad.

(No offence meant from Team t2 )