Manas Kumar, 28, does not like Valentine’s Day. It was on this day, three years ago, that he was dumped by his childhood sweetheart and girlfriend of eight years. “It was the worst day of my life,” says the former student of Jawaharlal Nehru University. “We grew up together. She had joined an IT firm in Singapore, while I was trying to crack the IAS. Our distance was hurting our relationship. I thought we were getting back, and had even sent her an e-greeting and love letter. But it wasn’t to be,” mutters Manas.

This is a bad week for someone like Manas. Take a look around. Heart-shaped cards, gifts in heart-shaped wrappings and even heart-shaped hair cuts; special white rose bouquets; requests for Bryan Adams and James Blunt numbers; dedications blaring on radio and TV ad nauseam; and the milling, arrow-struck ‘I Love You’ e-greetings online would point to an enhanced, hyperactive state of romance and well being: an entire ethos going gaga over the four-letter word love.

Valentine’s Day may be the ultimate symbol of bringing hearts closer. But its fairytale status apart, not all Valentine’s Day tales go according to script. In fact, it can actually be a pretty stressful period. Manas’s friend, Farhan Salam, now a history teacher at a Delhi University college, recalls how Manas broke up with his girlfriend — and publicly broke down — at a JNU dhaba that fateful Valentine’s Day. “He wept and ranted on the phone right in front of us. It was terrible to see a friend break down like that.”

Tension takes different shapes on Valentine’s Day. Those unrequited in love are in despair, and those without a partner find the going tough — some resent the fun and frolic that happy pairs seemingly indulge in. Even among couples, the pressure to “perform” is enormous. Every year, lovers have to find something new to do. “I fought with my boyfriend about not going out on Valentine’s last year. It was so bad we didn’t speak for a week, the Valentine week,” says Piki, who works for a non-governmental organisation in Delhi. “He found it shallow and corny and even said it was brainless. I felt it was fun, and not everything has to be serious.”

In another case — a classic couple’s fight — Piki’s pals, Shreya and Sumit, bitterly argued over what was “actually nothing”. “We were having a conversation about not doing much on Valentine’s Day that turned into an argument about how he did not care for me. Later we realised it was so silly,” says Shreya.

A study in the United States in 2004 by psychologist James Houran pinned down the validity of “Valentine Day Blues” — a syndrome where people exhibited signs of emotional distress when not actively participating in the celebrations. It held true specifically for people who didn’t receive V-Day gifts or cards. Remember poor Charlie Brown? He spent his Valentine’s Day by the letter box, hoping to get a card from the little, red-haired girl in the comic strip Peanuts. It never came.

A great many college students feel like Charlie Brown. Everybody around them seems to be romancing, but there they are, with no one to cuddle up to. “Valentine’s can be a big distraction. We do have students coming for advice on their personal relationships,” says Mariana Pinto, a retired teacher of English literature from Jai Hind College in south Mumbai. “There is pressure definitely on both girls and boys.”

There are problems galore. When love is being measured by the size of the card or the teddy bear that you give your sweetheart, money — or lack of it — is often a depressing factor. “Valentine’s Day is a consumerist idea. Love has become a saleable product and retailing companies and the media derive capital out of it,” underlines Dr Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist in Delhi. “It’s actually a pretty stressful time right now for youngsters.”

Often, says Dr Parikh, people who are either single or in relationships tend to exaggerate the importance of the day. “Let’s not forget a relationship is 365 days a year, not just one day,” he says. Over-emphasis of the event can affect moods and behaviour. “It’s common to see single young people fret over the fact ‘Oh! I don’t have a girlfriend’ etc.” In fact, he says, it is not uncommon to find a lot of young single people depressed during New Year’s or Valentine’s. “They see a lot of couples having great fun and that can upset them,” he says. “In the case of couples who don’t do much on the day, when many others are having fun, it can cause friction among partners,” he says.

And, after all, the market ensures that there is a lot to do. Retailers such as Archies, which sells cards and gifts, have actually expanded the day into a week. In a first of sorts, Archies has unleashed a “Celebrate Love Festival” from February 8–14. “Archies has more than 600 exclusive Valentine gifts, collectibles and jewellery,” says Pramod Arora, joint managing director, Archies.

Regardless of all the pulls and pressures, Valentine’s Day fairy tales abound as much Valentine’s Day nightmares. “In college when I didn’t have a boyfriend, there was pressure during Valentine’s Day to hook up. Then, when I met Jay, my friends would ask me what we were doing for Valentine’s Day,” says Smriti, a corporate communications executive in Delhi. “It’s damned if you do, and damned if you don’t,” she says.

But finally, of course, it’s just another day — a fact that Manas Kumar, now in a relationship with a French woman, has just discovered. Manas asked her out on Valentine’s Day last year — and was turned down. “I thought Valentine’s Day had all these romantic associations. But when she said no, I asked her the day after. She was game,” he says. “I don’t like Valentine’s Day, but I like the day after. February 15 is my Valentine’s Day,” quips a smiling Manas.

(Some names have been changed to protect identities)

Illustration by Suman Choudhury