Blue dragon

Just as boy bands follow a formula, so do Japanese role-playing games (RPGs). Instead of singer, eye candy, bit of rough and secretly gay, you’ve got brash, spunky, brainy and cool-and-mysterious. All are present and correct in Blue Dragon, as are the other RPG essentials: turn-based combat, an intricate levelling and combat system, and a group of plucky children out to save the world. But then that familiarity is hardly surprising.

In order to crack the Japanese market (which has ignored the Xbox and Xbox 360), Microsoft has recruited some of the biggest names from mega-hit franchises such as Final Fantasy to create an epic of its own. The result is a massive, gorgeous game that caters shamelessly to the old-school RPG crowd — including some of the genre’s traditional drawbacks, most notably clichéd dialogue and a cuddly mascot player-character unpleasantly reminiscent of Jar Jar Binks.

Alien syndrome

Consider the life of a hospital MRSA inspector. Most of your day is spent wandering down murky corridors wiping out bugs, only for them to pop up as soon as your back is turned. Thankless. Monotonous. Soul-destroying.

If you’ve ever earned your monthly stipend in this line of work (unlikely, I know) then you’ll have a good grasp of what happens in Alien Syndrome, level after level.

Power-ups allow your character access to better weapons, armour, etc, but you’re more likely to want to run down the spaceship hallways, unarmed, with a target painted on your naked chest screaming for the sweet release of slavering alien death. The graphics are dull and murky. The only syndrome it gave me was Tourette’s. Avoid.