Dear Coach, I am a friendly guy but I tend to have only a few good friends. I like to have quiet dinners with people where we can talk about what we’re thinking and feeling. I’ve always hated fraternity parties and mega events where you go to be seen. I guess you’d call me an introvert. I’ve been told by my boss that I need to be more outgoing and do more schmoozing if I want to get to the executive level in the company. I’m afraid that’s just not me, even though I really enjoy my work in finance. Do you think my career is dead-ended? And where could I go to find work where networking and selling yourself are not important?

— Will

The career coach: Don’t despair and bail out yet. Schmoozing can definitely be learned. That’s the good news. The news you probably don’t want to hear is that in today’s communication-driven world, just about everybody has to do it, even people in non-profit organisations. So there isn’t any place to hide. But help is definitely available. Companies like Boston-based Mogall.com, in fact, are now offering virtual online networking as an essential professional activity. They call themselves “corporate relationship” builders. Still other companies actually teach entrepreneurs, executives and nonprofit leaders alike how to connect and schmooze effectively. One way to start in an arena that’s familiar to you would be to visit the association for finance professionals and see what they have to offer.

The four steps below are perfect for introverts who don’t easily open up to people. Try these four simple strategies and see if the act of “creative connecting” doesn’t end up seeming a little less odious to you.

Script success

Before a social or community event, spend half an hour scripting a few questions or ideas for discussion that might come up. Then identify someone you’ll seek out at the event, and find a way to discuss your scripted topics. When you’ve completed your conversation, you can spend the rest of the time enjoying the food, the activities and some intense conversation with people you are close to. You might get to like this game and want to do more but that will be your choice, because your homework is done.

Friends on call

Make a list of everybody you know who has some relevance to your professional or community life. Put the names, along with their phone numbers, addresses and emails in a file box. Keep them alphabetically, adding names from time to time, watching the networking possibilities grow. Then, once a month leaf through the cards to pick out a name for one call — a different person to call each month — to talk about what’s new, react to events in your field or set up a lunch or some other kind of networking opportunity. Keep the contact dates on the card, along with a brief note of what you discussed. Go through the cards periodically to remind yourself who’s out there for you.

Fun factor

Think about all the people you know and identify a person who thinks you’re interesting and fun to be with. Ask that person to make a list stating what makes you good company. This might seem like a weird assignment, particularly for a person who values privacy, but it’s part of helping you to feel less self-conscious about “putting yourself out there”.

Right mentor

By all means, find yourself a coach who can help you get this schmoozing thing in perspective, so that you can do it in a way that’s consistent with your view of yourself. Lisa Gansky, founder and CEO of Global Network Navigator, the first commercial site on the web, advocates building your own “brand”, no matter what field you’re in. Here’s what she suggested in the magazine, Fast Company, “One of the best ways I’ve found to keep enhancing your qualifications is to build a network of talented people to think and grow with.” A coach can help you think of networking in this way and polish the skills to make it seem more natural for you.