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I am a 21-year-old girl doing my graduation. My boyfriend is also a student. However, the problem is that my parents want me to marry him as soon as he lands a job. But my boyfriend doesn’t want to get married till at least a year after getting a job. I totally agree with him in this regard. But my parents are refusing to understand our problem. They are compelling me to marry him as soon as possible. All this is very stressful for both me and my boyfriend. He is getting increasingly jittery. My life is miserable now. Please help.
Name and address withheld
What help can I offer? I can’t marry him on your behalf, can I? Look just ignore your parents and carry on with your life but just make sure your boyfriend doesn’t dump you in the meantime because then you will truly be stuck with very dodgy parents. That apart, stop this nonsense about being tense and that kind of crap. The heavens haven’t opened up: so just relax and continue this disastrous relationship.
I am a 26-year-old woman. My parents are first cousins. Due to this, the family where my marriage is about to be fixed is creating a ruckus. I can’t figure out what my fault is. I am being victimised for something over which I have no control. How I do convince my would-be in-laws that this is not a problem at all?
Rita, via e-mail
Don’t bother because even if they do accept you, they will keep the taunting going and I will have to suffer even more silly letters from you. There is no dearth of men in this country. Now with even more getting the pink slip, they will be easier to spot and ensnare: just find yourself a new boy and a different set of in-laws and let us get on with some more serious issues.
I am a 30-year-old woman. My five-year-old kid is addicted to chocolates. He doesn’t listen to me at all. His teeth are suffering due to this. Since he knows that I am dead against it, he sometimes eats chocolates secretly. What would make him give up on this bad habit?
Koyna, via e-mail
What kind of a cow are you if you cannot get a five-year-old brat to behave? You are obviously unintelligent. I will give you a simple solution: stop buying chocolates for the bloke and there is very little chance of him turning into a beggar in order to get his choco-fix. The second is start giving him a resounding slap when he doesn’t listen. This is the way normal mothers solve problems: not by addressing stupid questions to me. Do you get it?
I am a 42-year-old man. I had always been very busy with work and hence didn’t get the time to tie the knot. Recently I married a 40-year-old woman. After six months of marriage, I found out that she has had affairs with many men in the past. I cannot come to terms with this. What should I do?
Taran, via e-mail
Nothing. There is very little chance that a loser like you is going to find anyone in a hurry and you seem to be pretty lazy too. What did you think when you were marrying a 40-year-old? That she would be virginal; that all her life would be devoted to Mamata Banerjee. Obviously she had had her fun and you should be thankful, like a car, you are getting one whose engine has been broken into as it were. You are getting experience, expertise and endurance. It is almost like buying a tyre!
I am a 40-year-old man. I have a 10-year-old son. My wife and I are both early risers. But our son is one sleepyhead. He refuses to get up before 10’ clock in the morning. This is affecting his studies and his attendance is very low. If we force him to get up early, he remains irritated and snappy throughout the day. Hence we avoid waking him up forcefully. We visited the doctor who had suggested medicines and Yoga, but to no avail. What should I do?
Sharat, via e-mail
Nothing. Just send him to an evening school or better still let him be a vegetable. If he doesn’t go to school he has a better chance of running the country so he might even become a superb politician. My suggestion is be very calm with him, pamper him; get him to sleep even more and you will produce a wonderfully lethargic child: just like half of this country in any case. The other option is to give him one hard kick; stop worrying about his irritation and get him off his silly back. But then knowing how compassionate you both are, I guess you will stick to the former. Enjoy…
I am a 16-year-old girl. I have a crush on a 25-year-old man. I want to get across my feelings to him but have no clue how I would do that. I tried approaching him at places near my college. I am apprehensive that he will not take me seriously. I badly want to let him know about my feelings. Can you give me some tips?
Tina, via e-mail
Why don’t you meet me? That way I can teach you some tricks as also help you in the body language department. Actually, if a young girl is approaching an older man, it is pretty easy: just tell him you are single and you think he is like Adonis. In these times, you may also mention he looks like Jyoti Basu and then just watch the man melt. It always works. Try it and let me know.
I am a 36-year-old man. I recently came to know that my wife is having an affair with my son’s friend. I am absolutely devastated and am finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with this. But the thought of leaving her and breaking up the family is making me cringe. Please help.
Name and address withheld
You should be calmer. There is great precedence, I would suggest try becoming an alcoholic who watches The Graduate every evening. That way, the thought of your wife will slowly be erased and we shall all live happily ever after. Obviously you should confront her you dolt and throw the bloody woman out. What kind of a wimp are you? Are you devastated that she is sleeping with your son’s friend or the fact that she is sleeping with someone other than you? I would hope it is the latter. Get rid of her.
I am a 48-year-old man. Recently there was a party at my house and a lot of my daughter’s friends came over. I found one of them very attractive. At the fag end of the party, when everyone was drunk, I ended up being physical with her. After the incident, the girl seems to have fallen madly in love with me. However, it was just a one-night stand for me. She is too young to understand my problems. What should I do?
Name and address withheld
Just wait for another party and before she gets drunk, tell her how it was a one-night stand and then just wait for her to scream; bring the house down; slap you; tell your wife; tell your daughter and then let the world know you physically abused your child’s friend: by the time all of this happens you will be ready to write to me again. Simple, really!
HELP AT HAND
Alcoholics anonymous
10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays
Lifeline Foundation
Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays
Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)
AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.O. Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856
Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays
Kornash ( The lifestyle management school )
139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919
Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy
Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays
Society for nature, education and health (sneh)
Flat — 2B, 48/1, Chakraberia
Road (North) Calcutta — 700 020
Ph: 2486 7404, 2486 1940
E-mail: sneh@cal2.vsnl.net.in
Psychotherapy for children, adolescents and adults suffering from behavioural and emotional problems
Timings: 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays
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