Q. Everyone is saying that you need to network to find a new job. But you hate networking. Do you have to do it?

A. Unfortunately, you probably do. Few people can get a job simply by emailing a resume to a hiring manager — especially in these tough times. It’s an old saw, but it’s true: you are more likely to find your next job through someone you know. The larger that circle of people, and the more you cultivate it, the better off you will be.

Q. But doesn’t this mean you’ll have to use people to achieve selfish goals, or pathetically ask people for help?

A. Not at all. Networking can be done honestly and thoughtfully, and it can help other people as much as they help you. Done correctly, networking is “a matter of teaching and learning rather than trying to put something over on someone,” said Anne Baber, co-founder of Contacts Count, a networking training company based in Silver Spring, Maryland.

Baber calls networking “the deliberate process of making connections for mutual benefit”. Instead of thinking “What can I get out of this?” think, “What can I give to this?” she said. Reciprocity is intrinsic to the process.

When you ask someone for help, request specific advice or information rather than leads for jobs, and both of you will feel more comfortable. It is risky for people to give someone they’ve just met a job lead or an introduction because it can put their reputations on the line, Baber said. If you avoid putting people on the spot and are patient and generous, job opportunities will come about organically, from people who have learned that they can trust you.

Q. You accept that networking is something you should have done all along. But you didn’t do it, and now you’re out of job. How do you start building a network? Is it too late?

A. Actually, you already have a network, “raggedy and uncultivated” though it may be, said Liz Ryan, leader of the AskLizRyan online discussion forum, which is devoted to workplace issues. “There’s no statute of limitations on networking,” she said.

So make a list of all the people you know, even if you haven’t been in touch with some of them for years. Former coworkers are an excellent place to start. Other contacts can range from college friends to parents of your children’s soccer teammates to the teacher who directed you in your high school musical, Ryan said.

Then get back in touch and, if you are in the same town, suggest having coffee. If it seems appropriate, she said, ask for advice and moral support. Don’t forget to include your family, friends and neighbours in your network, Baber said. And make sure that these people — as well as others — understand exactly what you have done in your career, and what you are looking for now.

You’d be surprised; your own mother-in-law may not know exactly what you do, Baber said. You need to be able to tell a crisp, clear and interesting story about yourself so that people will think of you if they hear of a job that matches your skills.

Q. How do you expand your network?

A. Start by joining a professional association in the field where you want to be hired, Baber said. Also consider joining a job-hunting club in your area; you can share strategies and connect with more people who are not in your usual circle, she said. Other places to network include alumni associations, health clubs and classes.

Q. You’ve decided to attend a professional networking event. How can you make the most of it?

A. “You go to a networking event to broaden the circle of people that you know,” Ryan said. Just about the worst thing you can do is stick out your hand and say, “Hello, I’m looking for a job,” because people don’t know how to respond to it. You need to build up goodwill with that person first. At first, simply engage in conversation as a way to establish mutual interests, she said, and realise that “you’re not trying to solve a problem that day at that moment”. If asked about your job, casually mention that you are looking, but don’t make a big deal out it, she said.